I realised firstly that my blog is almost, if not already dead. And it ain't my fault cos i've already typed like 2 entries prior to this on MS words but somehow, i can't copy the entire document here - thanks to my dear macbook. Although the macbook has been a cool addition to my life, getting used to the system and format can really kill me. If not for its amazingly beautiful design, i would have thrown it out of the window.

Recess week came and go. Nothing was really accomplished and i hate myself for it. Sometimes, i really do wonder if i desperately want to do well. It's frustrating being just an average student while at the same time wonder if i really deserve it for not working my ass off hard enough. Some of my peers have seriously been on the mugging mode since day 1 and i think they are benefitting from it. This - "surviving" or "trying to survive" life in academics is frustrating. I need the drive and the tenacity of purpose to do well and when i mean well, it's not about surviving but living the moment. Surviving alone must stop somehow. This simply can't go on.

I want to learn and the truth is - I love learning. But certainly not the i-give-you-2-hours-and-i'll-test-you-what-key concepts-have you grasp-thus-far kind of learning. I love listening to lecturers teaching and introducing new stuff but when it comes to examinations, it truly sucks the joy of learning. It is quite surprising that even at such a stage in higher education, its results that matter at the end of the day. because now, everyone would want to do a module that is easy to get an A but not necessary what he wants to learn. Choices are driven by the results-orientated outcomes. Should it be this way? i don't think so, but really do we ever have any choice. We have to survive, - a natural instinct- and the only way to the top is academic results. Whether we like it or not, examinations & tests are here to stay as they form the most practical yardstick to measure success and our social standing in society. Like i've said, it's not really much of a choice. Adapt - for those who do so will reap the benefits.

crap.

disappointed.